How to Win Friends and Influence People Short Summary

By author, Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” was published in 1936. This book provides some essential principles of communication that are applicable even in the digital age we live in.

The Story In Brief Terms

This book gives a great number of pointers that are aimed at improving communication between human beings. There are basic techniques for handling people.

First, do not criticize or condemn. Criticism does not work most of the time because it makes a person be defensive and have the urge to justify themselves. It also wounds pride and diminishes one’s importance. Do not criticize others since they are in a position you would be in a similar situation.

As humans, our motivations come from emotions, pride, and vanity, and not logic. Hence, instead of condemning others, make attempts to understand their position and why they do what they do. Everyone wants to feel appreciated.

Second, give a sincere and honest appreciation where necessary. Flattery can be detected and hence, easily condemned. Give a sincere heartfelt appreciation.

The third is to arouse a want in someone when you want them to do something. Find out how you can make them want to do something. Show them what they want and how to get it.

When you want to make people like you, you need to be genuinely interested in them. Make them a priority. Also, smiling is essential. For those who do not like smiling, remember that Lincoln said, most people are as happy as they make their minds believe. Smile, and your mind follows. Always make an effort to remember the names of people. Listen to others and encourage them to talk about themselves. Invest in other peoples` interests and encourage them. Make others feel important in a real way. Most of the people you meet might feel superior to you in some way. Eliminate the competition by showing you recognize their importance.

There are twelve ways to sway people to your thinking.

Avoid arguments. Most of them are a lose-lose battle. Show respect to the opinions of others in conversations. Have the courage to admit when you are wrong, even when it is hard. Start in a friendly manner. Remember that friendliness begets friendliness. Get them saying “yes”. Start with questions that have “yes” as answers. Let others do the talking and do not interrupt them. Make others believe an idea is theirs by consulting them and allowing their contributions. See from other peoples’ perspective. Sympathize with other peoples’ feelings and desires. Appeal to others as noble and fair. Dramatize and present ideas in a way that captures attention. Finally, stimulate healthy competition. Everyone loves a challenge.